~shes-a-vamp

there is no sweat like the sweat we make together.

it's been a while. i've been neglecting journals since about november, i guess i'm trying to find my way through all of this blindly. in a couple weeks i'm off to colorado to restart, unplug everything, learn a different kind of work, make my body ache until i fall asleep, keep my guitar close and everything else at a distance.

in the past four months or so i have felt so loved. leaving it is difficult, but now that i know what it looks like, what it tastes and smells like, i think i can hold out until august.

nothing has ever felt this right.

Milwaukee doesn't tower over me like Chicago did. Chicago, at times, had a coldness that crept up on me -- but it also had a way of making me feel so free.

Here it's not bad. It's not great, but it's home. And I'm back in school. And I have a voice at the other end of the telephone at the end of the night whispering "only two weeks more". A promise that'll be kept.

And I'll feel those arms. And I'll smile.

He said "say yes" with a smile that I heard, but said the wrong album name. But man... that song.





I'm damaged bad, at best.

i had a moment about a half hour ago, smashing the control machine, radiohead in the background and a familiar pair of lips.

how odd that this all happened at once.

birthdays come and go.

i'll just keep taking things apart to see how they work, and watch the days run by naked and laughing at a joke i'm just not getting.

i wish i knew what was going on.

i wish i could turn water to vodka.

do i pick up and go?

i've smoked too many cigarettes and i'm going to bed.